Shy

A poem from 2016

Watch me perform it on YouTube...

I just stand there

Afraid someone is watching

Wanting to talk to me

I am motionless

I can't do anything

A rabbit caught in the headlights

I freeze

Nervous inside

Nothing happens

Time stands still

Panic

And that, dear friends

Is why I always use the cubicle

And never the urinal

I Didn't Do It

A Poem From 1990

Do to others, as you would want them to do to you.

I didn’t bind up the broken-hearted,

I didn’t even look to see if they were wounded,

when I did - I left someone else to do it.

Now that I am broken-hearted,

no-one is binding me up.

I didn’t proclaim freedom for the captives,

I only cursed them for being so stupid as to become captives.

Now I am a captive,

no-one is proclaiming freedom to me.

I didn’t proclaim release from darkness for the blind,

I only criticised them for not seeing.

Now that I am blind,

no-one is proclaiming release for me.

I didn’t proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour,

I only proclaimed the Law,

I only played the Pharisee.

Now that I need it,

I do not see it,

except as a theological concept.

I didn’t comfort those who mourned,

I didn’t provide for those who grieved,

I didn’t pour out on them beauty, gladness and praise.

Now I see who cares for me

Now I see who notices that I had gone

Now I see how little I care

Now I see how poor I am

Now I see how I am reaping what I have sowed

Now I see the need to change.

Sometimes I Am

A poem from 2016

Sometimes I am cheese and pickle

Sometimes egg and cress

Sometimes I am BLT

Sometimes ham and piccalilli

Sometimes I am corned beef

Sometimes chicken and sweet corn

Sometimes I am prawn cocktail

Sometimes tuna mayonnaise

On very special occasions

I am brie and grapes!

But always always always

I am on a roll

Chatter

A poem from 2016

Monkey monkey

Chatter chatter

I wanna be like you

Oo, oo!

Constant in my brain

Voices like mine

Chatter

Incessant

Oh, that thing you said yesterday!

Oh, that thing you're doing next week!

Oh, what if the house burns down?

Oh, you don't feel well!

Condemning

Ruminating

Worrying

Fear mongering

Sweating

Room closing in

Heart thumping

The shakes

Whirly swirly

Stuck in a loop

Dragging down

Spiral

SHUT UP!

*Fingers in ears* La, la, la!

Deep breaths

Count to ten

If I can make it that far….

Oh, body

Oh, mind

Monkey monkey

Chatter chatter

Who will rescue me from this mind of death?

I will, said that pill

I will, said CBT

I will, said mindfulness

Servants of the Lord, blessed small t trinity

So chatter chatter monkey monkey

I'm no longer listening

Do your worst

Or cooperate with me

I know your game now

I know how to beat you

I've won the war

And relax...

Ely

A poem from 1986

the sun is shining in my heart

one beat away

you sat

in a tea shop

it was raining in the streets

but eating date and walnut cake

and drinking assam tea

and speaking on religious matters

raised a few eyebrows

and we got stared at from an adjacent table

before the teashop were supermarket images

and daylight faded

stopped

and I cried in frustration to the wind

Ely Cathedral

fine old building

many a day’s worship she must have seen

but silence is still

upon the minds

of those suspicious followers of rules

who cannot bring themselves to Christ

descend this path to rise again

to free this museum of finely-crafted love

where people care

to shelter here

from the rain of Ely town

to bring these walls a-tumbling down

Another Song About Trees And Flowers

A poem from 1986

Here’s another song about trees and flowers

sitting in the garden but I didn’t know where I was

building up a barrier

defying all the love that you had given me

under the oak tree I sat and schemed

I didn’t know where this plan was leading me

seduced by the power of success and fame

I only wanted to build up my own name

Here’s another song about trees and flowers

sitting in the garden building ivory towers

shooting my imagination into the sky

never thought to ask why things were bad

in the world

whatever happened to my promised girl?

All those around me finding easy love so easy

but the Tower of Babel’s falling down

and I find that we’re talking a different language

Days passed

I’m wasting away

what can I find to do today?

Turn to the Bible, see what God has to say

Jesus loves you and He’s coming back some day

Here’s another song about trees and flowers

sitting in the garden, just discovered where I was

turned from the path of self-destruction

removed the crazy paving and replaced it with a straight road.

The Tower of Babel has fallen down

that’s why we’re talking a different language.

Now I don’t care about fame

I don’t care about success

I just want to glorify Jesus’ name

I’m going to do what He says because He knows best

The Tower of Babel has fallen down

that’s why we’re talking a different language.

Nothing To Say

A poem from 1993

I write

banal and without niveau

to keep low

to uninspire

those uneagerly awaiting

what I do not have to say

patience?

Therapy?

To hold on

to what?

To whom?

Silent

but yet shouting

in the night

not sleeping

driving me

beyond faith to doubt

to question

who is right

who is wrong and why.

Where is this promise?

I await in blindness

in the only hope that remains

to see

to feel her

and all that I didn’t expect

What is good?

What is big?

What is wrong with me?

What is the next step?

Wait to see the new city.

Joy

A poem from 2016

Long lost forgotten friend

Dim memory

Did I ever actually know you?

Suddenly

After years of yearning

You popped up

Like a fairy tale

We met

I love you

So glad to have been found by you

Again

Suckers

Leeches

Parasites

Fun sponges

Come

Sneering

Biting

Bashing

Complaining

To steal you

To kill you

To destroy you

But I will not listen

I will not let them

Take you away

Or part us

We are one

You are so precious to me