SickoFantasy

A poem from 2017

She kisses the knife, her lover

The one she bows down to and adores

It cut her, she tastes her blood

Frenzied silence, pleasure, worship

It is not enough

Smiles, a viper

Into her mind’s eye, a friend, a housemate, her boss

A victim, blood to throw away like water

To have them beg for life then take it anyway

Stab them

Through the heart, the neck, the chest

Feel the power

Huntress, luring the game with suggestive fantasies

Pulling them to her den, devouring

Spilling

Wanting more

Random strangers

Wrong time, wrong place, wrong girl

No fear, no remorse

Lament

A poem from 2017

Those days never were

And they never will be

Bully

A poem from 2017

What's that awful smell around here?

That's you, that is!

Ha ha ha!

Quasi evil

Ho ho ho

You can't touch me

No no no

But get me on my own and see

I'm meek as a lamb when my friends aren't around me

I have no conscience that I'd let you see

I'm just a sad little no-one and no-one loves me

I lack self awareness so don't lecture me

You're a big fat loser with a capital B

Well, I think I'm great and I know you do too because I'll beat you up if you say otherwise and you won't dare disagree with me because we'll jump on you and make you a weak pathetic mess oh you'll end up in intensive care if you dare defy me so feed me and give me everything I need boost my self-esteem because deep inside I'm terrified I'll show no chink of light I'm not having you laugh at me behind my back

Psychotropical Garden

A poem from 2017

Listen to an audio recitation

 

Pretty shocking-blue bird in paradise

Multicoloured bill

Visual thrill

Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep

Lulling you to sleep…

Little Lucy lying low looking at the sky

Content, heaven sent

Smiling at the sun

Happy one

I'm coming to spoil her fun!

Hello hello hello, Angel Dust!

Starlight child

Your eyes are wild

You're looking tired and pale

And just a little old

You're feeling stressed

Instead of blessed

Someone's messed

Putting you to the test

You need a proper rest

No-one loves you like I do

I have the very thing for you

Take one a day and do not chew!

I beg your pardon?

Come into my psychotropical garden

I don't mean to be rude

But I'm an expert in these things

No roundabouts, only mood swings

One little pill

It will cure your ills

Open

And swallow

And count to ten

Bye bye!

My work is done!

************

Oh dear!

I feel weird!

Reality

Is eating me

All I see is grey!

I feel ashamed

I am not to blame!

Giggle giggle

Wiggle wiggle

Honey, honey, come to mama!

Confusion

Delusion

Panic/Don't panic

So low

Then so manic!

Quaking and shaking

Thirsty, feel dirty

Sweating, feel sick!

Help me, quick!

I see myself dying

I want to sleep to take away the pain

Until I need to take a pill again

I hear footsteps in the wind

I must hide

I don't want to meet him

Deep

A poem from 1993

Mountain top

I never see you

trapped

in a cave

deeper and I lose my way

crawling

through water

the drowning man

has a better life

Out

How do I find this way?

Deeper and I lose this vision

in the darkness

I hold a hand

but not so tightly

Further

into this sickness

cutting

all links

Lying

to myself

to bring a happiness that eludes me

in rich moments

I belong

in the high places

but I grovel

in the dirt

Fear

A poem from 2017

inexplicable

sudden feeling of terror

… bog off!

The Pit

A poem from 2017

Brother hatred

Brother jealousy

Brother conspirators

To kill me and throw me in a pit

Brother responsibility

To throw me alive into the pit

To come back later and rescue me

Stripped

Thrown

But I will trust in You

Brother greed

Brother opportunist

To spare my life

To sell me into slavery

Chained

Dazed

But I will trust in You

Brothers cruel

Brothers callous

To tear my coat

To dip it in animal blood

To report my death to my devoted father

To inflict misery on his dear soul

But I will trust in You

My story hasn't ended

Chapters will be written

Ups and downs

Dreams and nightmares

Promises and promises

Glory and glory

Hopeless Romantic

A poem from 2017

I never buy you flowers

I never wine and dine you

I never join you in the shower

I never sit and watch the sunset with you

I never take you dancing

I never buy you gifts

I never watch romcoms with you

I never give you a massage

I am a hopeless romantic

But love is more than all these things, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Back to Work (Factory Noise)

A poem from 1986

back to work again

it’s tiring lifted boxes all day long

back to work again

it’s a strain

to hear what people say

amidst the noise of machinery

back to work again

as a sea of cardboard faces

with permanent frowns

cry salt tears

into the bucketful of aching muscles

back to work again

as the odour of frozen vegetables

permeates my nostrils

pollutes my lungs

and returns to be recycled

into papier-mâché figureheads

back to work again

one of society’s drop outs

in this stinking pit

of rotting

human braincells

that lie idle while the people in white

try to stamp robot on our foreheads

back to work again