Depression

A post from 2019

Snap out of it!

What’s wrong with you?

You have so much going for you

You’re young

You have your whole life ahead of you

What do you have to be depressed about?

“Depression doesn’t need a reason.”

Nosebleed

A poem from 2018

It's serious

And so am I

Occasionally I cover it up with a paper tissue

Blood stained

Soaked in it

Velocity

Fast

Like a steam train thrusting through nasal passages

It goes:

Boom boom, boom boom

The feeling of doom

Fear of getting kicked off the show

White as a sheet

Life ebbs away

Then I wake up

It was only a daydream

The mind depressed runs away to worst case scenario

Photo by Sam Burriss on Unsplash

What If?

A poem from 2017

“What if?”

The silent killer

Childhood Dreams

A poem from 1993

A tiny minority of childhood dreams

still attainable

but long-forgotten

broken in the fire of

adolescence and adulthood

the painful process of independence

trapped in the cycle of hatred

of imagined banality

cursing and seething

at the green grass

wanting to escape the fields of my own blood

but seeing no end to the torture and killing

unless this year brings about desired

and undesired change

the solution to all problems is death

Outside My Head

A poem from 2017

Outside my head

Is a big, wide world

That I hardly ever recognise

Inside my head

Dialogue incessant

Occupies me with its semi-lies

Inside my head

Droning endlessly

The same exaggerated phrases

Outside my head

I must force myself

To interact with real places

Fly My Paranoia

A poem from 1993

I hit out

but it returns

I miss out

and get annoyed

my frustration expresses itself

in words of four letters or more

I need fly killer

to end this thing

once and for all

but I have none

and do my best

to remove the pest

that won’t leave me alone

Gymslipnosis

A poem from 2017, based on a true story

Your eyes are getting heavy

You couldn't open them if you tried

You are getting sleepier

You no longer want to wake up

You want to wash away the pain in oblivion

You are going down, deeper

Past the years

Past the tears

Back to happier times

Those few precious, childhood days

In Dublin's fair city

Remember the dreams

Remember the innocent days

Remember school friends

Enjoy the moments of peace

Treasure the memories

Mary, Mary

Alcoholic mother

Abusing stepfather

The visits in the night

The fear, the fists

The expectation of being murdered

Mary, Mary

Ran away at 14

Took a ship to London

Hoping for a better life

Streets paved with the future

The expectation of newness of life

Mary, Mary

Sleeping rough

Noone to talk to

Reality comes and hits you in the face

A tall, dark stranger

Comes with comfort

Offers food and lodgings

A job with prospects

The expectation of love

Mary, Mary

Pimped by your comforter

Nine men on your first night

Shame, brokenness, a trap

Forced to take it to the streets

Red light, it only gets worse

No more expectations

Mary, Mary

The child moves inside you

You've seen what happens next

Knitting needle abortion, fever, likely death

You steal a fiver and run

And run

And run

The expectation of capture

Mary, Mary

You see a nurse and beg her for help

True kindness at last!

She becomes your friend

She keeps you safe

She looks after you

Your baby is born healthy

The expectation of family

Mary, Mary

You have no money, no prospects, no hope, no help

Your baby taken away for adoption

Promised a new and happy home

But you are distraught

And you lose your mind

And you become obsessed

And years later you steal a baby

From a pram

And you are jailed

Your eyes are getting heavy

You couldn't open them if you tried

You are getting sleepier

You no longer want to wake up

You want to wash away the pain in oblivion

You are going down, deeper

You have no happy memories

You have nothing to treasure

You have nothing

You are noone

You are the victim

You are alone

You are not alone

I give you my tears

Falling On My Head

A poem from 2017

Raindrops

As I'm tied to this bed

Falling

Onto my silent head

Harnessed

So I can't move

Regular

Drip drip drip

Torture

Trying to break my will

Relentless

Crashing inside my brain

Insane

Oh how you want that to be true!