Delicious Fudge

A poem from 2016

And so the committee gathers

As it does this time each year

To plan the annual church outing

The vicar kicks off procedures

With sweaty palms and a thin layer of prayer

Amen

The minutes from the previous meeting

Read out and agreed

The first agenda item

Carried over from last time

The lovingly disputed

Seemingly simple matter

To make the ladies fatter

Which type of fudge to make

And take

Along

Celia proffered her suggestion

Nobody should dare to question

Her polite demand to take

Plain and simple vanilla

A traditional choice for traditional folk

Kenneth put in his two penn’orth

To him it was only natural, it seemed

Fudge of the variety, clotted cream

Should be the choice

A little daring

As the church had to be appearing

To cater for the 20th Century

Now we're in the 21st

Mumbles

Shackles raised

Tension

Broken by the voice of Marilyn

The fudge we should take, she uttered

Is obviously peanut butter!

Celia screamed, are you a nutter?

Someone might have an allergy!

To which, smiling and rejoicing

Marilyn agreed

Hallelujah! Praised be!

Then I'll cast the demon out

And the dear brother or sister will be free!

Natalie piped up

To make our brothers and sisters free indeed

We must take our stand against evil corporate greed

The fudge we eat must be made with chocolate

And only fair trade

The vicar felt the room spinning

The meeting was only near the beginning

But his left eye had started twitching

Brad, the committee's token youth

Took a bold stand for the truth

And invoked the Lord, of Whom he begged

A fudge made with Cadbury Creme Egg

All were aghast

It was a pity

The Church infected

With postmodernity!

A bubble

A babble

A hubbub

A rabble

A shout came from the vicar’s end

In a voice shrill and slightly odd

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!

Chastised and shocked

Silence

The vicar trembled and decreed

Jaw square

Eyes popping

Rising to stand

Straight back

Suggested authoritatively

To nudge the fudge

And instead take flapjack

He dared the committee to disagree and each to a man

And woman

Backed the motion

Celia whispered

I suggest a plain flapjack

A traditional choice for traditional folk...